Friday, 2 February 2018

Poor princess

Week 5 - "In a previous life I was a....." Do you ever get the feeling you have been on this earth before?

Here I am again.
I wanted to try shoot a more literal photo to this theme, rather than an animal I feel most connected to, or the life I feel I should have had.

A few years ago my dad went for past life regression. I was so fascinated by what information he came back with (which connected a place with which he always had a real emotional connection) a few years later I went to have it myself with the same hypnotist.
I’m not religious.. I guess I’m spiritual, but I believe everyone’s bloody spiritual.. I suppose my way of life is closest to Buddhism, although I’m not sure I fully believe in past lives or not just yet. I incline to the thought that something doesn’t fully die when our bodies do.. not because I desperately need something to hold on to; it’s no more than a gut feeling.

Anyway, my regression was weird as I couldn’t really place any meaning from it at the time. I’m not sure exactly how far back I was taken, but it could have been the Medieval era and I was born into a royal family.. specifically a princess.. I’m not sure on the country. I wasn’t happy as I had fallen in love with a man but he wasn’t my arranged marriage, had no wealth and so was threatened to stay way, but I loved him and we met up in secret so my ‘royal’ family didn’t find out and have us killed.
I remember my hypnotist, Sue saying a year and asking what was happening; I told her I was sat at a banquet and was utterly miserable, that I didn’t want to be there and would rather die than have to lose the man I loved.
Anyway, apparently I ran away with my lover and never saw my family again. We lived in complete secrecy like paupers and never left our hut for fear of being found, except to go out to forage for food.
We had lots of children, but only two survived, (they were both girls) but one day when my lover (we could never marry) went to get food he didn’t come back.. I could only assume he was found and killed.
Sue took me to another date, but I couldn’t see anything.. it was black and I could only assume I had already died. My daughters, (who were no older than 9) and I died from eventual starvation.

Ha, how morbid!
Well, what to make of it.. it sounds crazy, but it’s not like I was searching for my brain to make something up. This all poured out like a stream of reality. It was a weird feeling as I felt all the emotions too.
It was quite traumatic.. like a really vivid dream, but it was like for half an hour I’d snapped back to being a different person rather than been asleep and just woke up.
I didn’t get what any of it meant and when fully conscious again, Sue asked me how I am with money. Well I’ve never actually felt comfortable unless I have a couple of £k in my savings for fear of running out. That could just be because I’ve never had a stable income, (by choice) and if any of this bears any meaning, then I made a conscious decision to run away from wealth to live an honest, happy life by me, rather than others.
It’s different to this life, but not massively because although I have worries about running out and not being able to cover my back, I also am more free-thinking now, an optimist truly believing that ‘something will always come up.’ I feel protected in some way purely by following what feels right.
But if this bears any truth, it didn’t work for me back then, ha.
I do remember I had long blond-ish hair in braids and I was sat at the bottom of some gardens, so I tried to recreate that first vision I had to be as true as possible..

The camera was on a tripod, I used an 85mm lens, I had the remote trigger in my hand and this is just natural light.
The gown I've had ages.. I turned it red from pink in Photoshop as I really don't like the colour pink. It was kindly given to me by a photographer who bought it for me to wear on one of his shoots back in 2009! Sometimes it works out to be a hoarder..

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